Birthday

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

OMG it's my birthday in less then 3 hours!!!!!!

1 Week

1 week till my birthday!!! Were renovating my room for my birthday!! I'm going for purple and silver!! New Blinds, Cupboards and nearly all my walls covered in horsey posters!

Birthday

Not much to say at the moment except the fact that it's only 16 days till my B-day.

Skool!!

I have no clue why but I always seem to be dreading skool, I've considered actually just walking out the front entrance after I've signed out and then taking a bus to Oakington to be at the yard. I've even written out instructions on how to get there and stuff and then at skool I'm about to do it and then I remind myself. Mum. Shes got enough to deal with at the moment, with my brother already refusing to go to skool and my other brother David in pain all the time because of his problems, the doctors still don't know whats causing him all this pain even though hes had loads of tests. Mums even considered asking Julie about laser treatment. (Julie's our horse/human chiropractor.) I've even been lying to Mum saying about how I feel ill all the time and have to stay at home. Now I actually am feeling ill because I'm dreading skool. I can't bear to tell Mum or Dad. They've already got enough problems on their minds but I just can't stand it any more, I feel ill and I dread going to skool. Worst of all I don't know why I dread it, I'm starting to feel like I'm mental and that I have some kind of school phobia.

I'm worried and I can't seem to be able to tell them. Mums soooo proud all the time of me that I'm getting good grades at skool and doing my homework that my GCSE's will go great unlike how my brothers GCSE's went. She doesn't know how much I'm struggling, this is one of the reasons that I don't want to tell her and another is that she emails the skool straight away if I'm unhappy even if I specifically tell her not to. I had that once when two girls who are just horrible in general were just being them and Mum had to go rushing to the skool telling how shes upset that I'm being bullied and throwing it entirely out of proportion. Next thing I know my form tutor comes up to me saying how she knows I'm upset and that I didn't want to tell them about it because I was worried that it would make things worse! I didn't even know at the time that my Mum had told them! I also wont tell Mum or Dad because they would say about how I'm worrying about nothing and they will think that I'm exaggerating. How am I supposed to tell them? I honestly am thinking of just refusing to go to skool any more. My Mum always has thought of me as the perfect daughter and how I'm never in trouble what if I suddenly broke it to her that I'm probably got a worse attitude then my brothers. It would break her heart. Help??

Oh Happy New Year!!!
Only 18 days left until my Birthday!!! Wahooo 14 !!!
I feel old ;)

From Bad to Worse

Arrived at my Grandparents house at 11 at night, tired!! Then the news came out that my Uncle Koos had Cancer in his spine, soon he won't be able to move at all. My Uncles mum had died about a week ago and my grandpa had been in hospital for a week because of the shock, my cousins Iris and Daniel are both very upset and my Auntie is worried. My family has had a stroke of very bad luck. Christmas is therefore not the happiest time and the atmosphere is gloomy and downcast.

I had hoped for a break in the Netherlands but everyone is miserable, were all going to my Dads brothers house for boxing day and were hopeing to see Koos and family before hes in a wheelchair.

This is my Family Tree to make things a bit clearer (By the way the names are Dutch.)

Not Happy Days.

Haven't been on in ages!! Going away to the Netherlands tomorrow at  in the morning. The last couple of months have not been the best as Sophie's been lame in her front left paw. She had an abscess and is still not ridable. Worst of all though is the fact that I won't be able to ride Soph any more as Dad can't afford to pay for Sophs any more :(  I'm sure Rob and Naomi will always let me ride other Ponies. Because of Soph being lame I've been riding other ponies called Flossie and Timmy! They are the sweetest things and are a bit too small for me!

Flossie is 22 years old but is still competing at Grand Prix level under her show name pink Champers! Flossie has a lot of stamina and speed and can make very sharp turns [as I found out very soon before I hit the ground. ;) ] Timmy is only 7 and is a bit bigger then Floss but is naughtier with a lot of bucks but he is very well behaved with me as I am a bit too big for him and therefore also a bit too heavy but thats also why I don't ride then too long.
I'll put on photos of us soon!

I'm very upset as Sophie is no longer mine. I have gotten a set of her shoes which are now over my door for luck and a piece of mane plaited up next to them :( I'll be starting my GCSE's soon as well which does not help things. Studying hard and lack of horses is NOT nice! On top of that I'm dragged along to Mum's Friends party pretending to be happy and enjoying myself when actually I'm bored out of my life. Just put on a smile and go for the food!

Got Christmas presents for Rob Naomi and Whiskey at the weekend and they got me a very nice purse, and £20!!! Whiskey got me delicious Hotel Chocolate Reindeer!!

I swear I'm spending more time in detention then out because I've fallen behind with Homework and I'm getting fed up with Skool. I can't wait till it'll all be over and I can spend all day every day at the Stables. Wish it was all just over and I still can't understand what the point is of Holidays if you got PILES of homework!! I thought holidays were there to just chill!!

For the first time in days I'm just doing nothing and listening to my music very loud in my room and my brother coming in every 5 minutes telling me to put the music down.

Missing Dad whos in the Netherlands at the moment. Mums angry and stressy because shes ill and is having to pack at the last minute for the Netherlands. I did tell her to start packing 2 days ago! Anyway taking a break for 5.

Mums working all the time now and Dad is doing full time as well and I'm usually at home on my own. Oh well it's nearly my birthday and then I'll be 14!! Only 37 days left!!!!! Meanwhile if I ask my Dad to help me with my homework he says of course I will, then if I get something wrong he starts yelling at me how does that make sense?? Then when I go to my room to dry my tears my loving brother Florian who is now 18 asks if I want him to help me. So my brother helps me with my Homework and Dad is angry! How does that make sense?? I thought brothers were supposed to be angry and Dads were supposed to be helpful! Well I guess my Dad is under a lot of pressure at work and Rob as Dads helping him with his work.
Overall my life is BAD and I wish I could just escape for a couple of days. Well I guess I can now as I'm going to see grandparents again.