Skool!!

I have no clue why but I always seem to be dreading skool, I've considered actually just walking out the front entrance after I've signed out and then taking a bus to Oakington to be at the yard. I've even written out instructions on how to get there and stuff and then at skool I'm about to do it and then I remind myself. Mum. Shes got enough to deal with at the moment, with my brother already refusing to go to skool and my other brother David in pain all the time because of his problems, the doctors still don't know whats causing him all this pain even though hes had loads of tests. Mums even considered asking Julie about laser treatment. (Julie's our horse/human chiropractor.) I've even been lying to Mum saying about how I feel ill all the time and have to stay at home. Now I actually am feeling ill because I'm dreading skool. I can't bear to tell Mum or Dad. They've already got enough problems on their minds but I just can't stand it any more, I feel ill and I dread going to skool. Worst of all I don't know why I dread it, I'm starting to feel like I'm mental and that I have some kind of school phobia.

I'm worried and I can't seem to be able to tell them. Mums soooo proud all the time of me that I'm getting good grades at skool and doing my homework that my GCSE's will go great unlike how my brothers GCSE's went. She doesn't know how much I'm struggling, this is one of the reasons that I don't want to tell her and another is that she emails the skool straight away if I'm unhappy even if I specifically tell her not to. I had that once when two girls who are just horrible in general were just being them and Mum had to go rushing to the skool telling how shes upset that I'm being bullied and throwing it entirely out of proportion. Next thing I know my form tutor comes up to me saying how she knows I'm upset and that I didn't want to tell them about it because I was worried that it would make things worse! I didn't even know at the time that my Mum had told them! I also wont tell Mum or Dad because they would say about how I'm worrying about nothing and they will think that I'm exaggerating. How am I supposed to tell them? I honestly am thinking of just refusing to go to skool any more. My Mum always has thought of me as the perfect daughter and how I'm never in trouble what if I suddenly broke it to her that I'm probably got a worse attitude then my brothers. It would break her heart. Help??

Oh Happy New Year!!!
Only 18 days left until my Birthday!!! Wahooo 14 !!!
I feel old ;)